Before I Forget (39 weeks pregnant)

Written Monday, November 11, 2013:

I don't want to forget this pregnancy, in all of it's beauty and pain. It's the last time my body will grow and carry a child: a feat so crazy, miraculous, and emotional that one assumes you won't ever forget. But you kind of do. 

I remember my other pregnancies, but not completely. So I write this post today to help me remember... this exact feeling of fullness, tightness, breathlessness. And the strangely perfect combination of contentment and utter exhaustion. 

After all these weeks of braxton hicks contractions, acute hip and back pain, and annoying reflux, I'm feeling spent. Seriously. And I'm guilty of wanting to self-induce.  It's taking serious acceptance and patience—and a major mind adjustment... so difficult for any woman at this stage. Today, patience is impossible to achieve; I am restless, obsessive. I want to meet her now. I want to have labor today. I want to change a diaper tonight. Hold her at my chest and breathe a long sigh of relief that we made it, we're on the other side. 

But for now, I will rock on my birth ball and await things beyond my control, knowing next week could be very different. This baby girl will be born full term, healthy and ready. It's not easy, but we've come so far. And she'll be worth it. 

:: photo by the talented Leslie Kutzen